porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
