dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just blew my weed a kiss
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
