just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
