didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
