I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
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