we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
