It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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