having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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