physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
