I will die if light touches me.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
