My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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