Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
we're so committed to being not committed
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
