If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
