Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
