i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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