My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
