I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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