The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
