Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize