So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
