Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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