Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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