So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
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