one might say we're banned from that church
4 words: hood of his car
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
