Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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