I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
