Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
