Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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