I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
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