Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize
