her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize