Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Just invented taco cereal.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
