dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
