i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
