I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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