LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
