I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
