hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
