if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
