i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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