So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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