I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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