At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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