WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
