I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
