i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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