ya dads aren't the best wingmen
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
