Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
