Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
