I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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