she looked like the bat from fern gully.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
