That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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