Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Randomize
