if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
