I am full of burrito and curiosity
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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