that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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