Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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