my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
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