i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
...so i touched it.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize