Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
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