Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
