she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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