How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
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