I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
