so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
