Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
