you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize