you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
