And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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