a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
