none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Randomize