We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
