Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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