dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
