Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Randomize
