dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
