Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
where does the pee come out of this thing
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
