I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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