Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Randomize
