I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
