I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
She even gives head with a lisp.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
