You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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