sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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