I think my fart just growled at me.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
