there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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