Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Randomize