I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
