I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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