i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
