this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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