guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
