Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Everything about him screamed your future.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
