I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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