omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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