wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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