I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
At least make sure they are 18
Why
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
