As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
