Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
