I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
