did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
