i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
