I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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