I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
