You're my little dorito
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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