is your mom at the bar?
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
