are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
